DNA – Did Not Anticipate tells the unflinching, no-holds-barred tale of the rollercoaster journey that J. Steven Osborne went on after a DNA test—originally conducted to explore Native American ancestry—revealed that his biological father was not the man named on his birth certificate. It’s an unputdownable, compulsively readable masterpiece.
The author takes us back to his childhood, revealing how he always felt, looked, and behaved differently from the rest of his complex and complicated extended family. His beloved wife Becky, a highly skilled amateur genealogist, recounts the twists and turns of the genealogical research that followed and the emotional fallout of the DNA results.
Most DNA surprises lead to a psychological earthquake, and Steven eloquently recounts the devastating shock, subsequent dissociation, anger, grief, ambiguous loss, and feelings of resentment. With brutal honesty, he interrogates his past relationships and childhood with family members—some of it truly shocking.
With the help of a close paternal DNA match, Becky pieces together the identity of Steven’s biological father. The second half of the book delves into Steven’s search for answers (which weren’t always forthcoming) from his long-estranged mother and his efforts to reassemble his shattered sense of self.
Navigating a DNA surprise means grappling with how to tell family and friends and managing their differing reactions—something this book portrays with remarkable insight. Equally compelling are the chapters detailing the search for the life and character of the author’s biological father and Steven’s own rediscovery of himself in the process. A significant theme is Steven’s exploration of which aspects of his character were influenced by his dad (the man named on his birth certificate), his two stepfathers, and his biological father. Anyone who has experienced a DNA surprise will relate to his reflections on genetic mirroring and the balance of nature versus nurture.
Steven’s complex and difficult relationship with his equally complex mother is a recurring thread throughout this memoir. His greatest anger and resentment are reserved for her; it’s challenging to forgive someone who has treated you poorly and deliberately withheld the truth, even when asked. Yet, by the end of the book, peace, understanding, and forgiveness come together in the most surprising of ways.
This is a brutally honest, emotional, and raw book. It’s riveting and important—the best of its genre I’ve read. As a fellow NPE/DNA orphan, it resonated deeply with me in a “me too” way, again and again. I can’t recommend it highly enough.
– Jo Lloyd